#6 So You Think You're In Love With Jennifer
or, how rarely we outgrow adolescent longing.
I am one of those people who does not recognize Valentine’s Day. I’m fairly certain the last time I performed a romantic gesture on February 14th was my junior year of high school when I took a girl on a date to eat a heart shaped pizza in my van parked at an overlook outside of Boulder. I do not remember said heart shaped pizza but I have been informed this was in fact involved, which sounds like something I would have done. I am of course nothing short of a romantic nostalgic, so I have no aversion to the sentiment. Rather, I get prickly about what was often presented to me as an antiquated gender norm that this was a day set aside in which men are supposed to perform specific rituals for their significant others and we all pretend it was a genuinely meaningful moment set aside from how the relationship would normally function. It should not surprise you dear reader, my feelings on jewelry and specifically precious stones. I am lucky to have found a partner who was perfectly happy with matching brushed titanium wedding bands.
This is a long way of saying, if you had hoped the February playlist would be some kind of belated valentine in the form of a 90’s middle school dance inspired playlist, I have bad news and good news. The bad news is, this is not that; the good news is, I made that playlist for my friend Carissa Potter last year, and it still hits.
Rest assured, this month’s playlist still contains a significant number of songs I relate to my single young adult years that would involve awkward attempts at decoding their meaning if I included them on a mix for a fellow single individual. As my committed years continue to grow larger than my single years, I realize how much of that yearning for a partner is about finding a companion and intimate connection, but that it’s also about considering some form of shared future. I am also now acutely aware, even once you’re married and pushing 40, that desire for intimacy and meaningful relationships doesn’t go away. The void just keeps changing shape forever I think.
A Mixtape Left Behind
#6 So You Think You’re In Love With Jennifer.
Baths - Clarence Difference
Jens Lekman - Become Someone Else’s
Andrew Bird - Tenuousness
Vetiver - From Now On
Gregory and the Hawk - Grey Weather
Papermoons - Honesty
The Weather Station - Better Now
Múm - Green Grass of Tunnel
Lali Puna - Hostile To Me
Ethan Gruska - The Valley
Brandi Carlile - I Belong to You
The Reindeer Section - If Everything Fell Quiet
Feist - How My Heart Behaves
Great Lake Swimmers - Moving Pictures Silent Films
Matt Pond PA - New Hampshire
Bahamas - Lost In The Light
Laura Veirs - July Flame
Carissa’s Weird - Sympathy Bush
Cassandra Jenkins - Hailey
Iron & Wine - The Trapeze Swinger
Dntel - The Dream Of Evan and Chan
Wheat - Don’t I Love You
Pete Yorn - Strange Condition
The New Pornographers - The Bleeding Heart Show
Release The Sunbird - We’ll Begin Tomorrow
The Magnetic Fields - Why I Cry
Belle and Sebastian - The Fox In The Snow
Her Space Holiday - The Ringing In My Ears
Modest Mouse - Baby Blue Sedan
Leif Vollebekk - Long Blue Light
Julie Byrne - Sleep Walker
The Decemberists - Red Right Ankle
Last month, conversations with friends were dominated by the uncertainty of not knowing what was next. We couldn’t figure out how to prioritize our labor and planning amidst all the uncertainty. Was the art world coming back or not? The answer to that was of course relative based on where you lived. But then over the last month, I confirmed five trips that all include some form of art business activity several fairs have announced new dates. So, I guess so?
Conversations with these same friends now are filled with a different uncertainty with a greater curiosity around where we fit in this awoken art world. Is what I’m making still relevant? Does anyone even care? How long do you think it will last this time? Things feel more optimistic than they have in awhile, but that tempered uncertain optimism I remember from dating; “yeah, things are going great, its feeling good this time, for now, I think?”. Return of an outward artworld of course means the propensity for jealousy to creep up as well, that feeling everyone else must have it figured out and is getting noticed, even tho we are happy for friends receiving attention and getting back to normal quicker, because they deserve it, and this is all just a performative facade anyways…
This is all a dramatic way of saying, we never stop dating. That yearning doesn’t go away, it’s an amorphous void I’m coming to understand shifts with us through out our life. Just now we’re no longer motivated purely by touching butts, but now more substantial meaningful intimacy, understanding, and purpose, at least those of us who have chosen this path of creative output, a never ending quest to create a more refined version of our most earnest high school endeavours . Which is to say, we should always have songs that inspire longing, because our longing is lasting.